papier-mâché

When i put forth the greatest of effort 

and try

then left all forlorn
with my    y-y-y-why?

when my eyes
see your eyes
and the eye lashes back


honesty says
look away now
love, look away

how I feel all alone
and your loneliness
too


i wish for your love
though there’s nothing to do



i hate all my wishing
i hate all my hating
hate all my feelings
this way and that


hating you
hating me


and then
get quiet
all turn
to stone



then come dark clouds

fifty thousand dark shades
the long and dark nights

the endless dark days


my ears start to bleed
my sight starts to fail
in exchange for choice words
my Latin, your Greek

choice merciless words
me to you to me speak


the storm in my head wants what happened, unreal
the turning over, my hands, what got stolen, not to steal

i stole from you 

steal from me

away from us
now

the wall between rooms
made of pa·pier-mâ·ché some
how

I would pull all apart! all the glue and the pulp
and i know you would, too! i swear this is
true


i will send out my linens now

white flags on the line
if only to know you 

were part, my design


i will unshape the monsters, tie them with twine
with hair if i have to, to keep unrefined
all the hatred between us
the base, solid kind


above which we once drew our cottons, with care
before they got soaked in our red sea and glare


unmoored
in the midnight dead sky
freshly fallen
lost love


instead i am left to wonder what was
with this broken heart, because and because

surrounded by white flags
and my
why why
  why whys


the tears
the wood floor
now dries


soon to burn
in the hearth of my heart
down below

knowing exactly
what i never wanted
to know