Saturday, 10 May 2014

losing you. pellagra. disintrigue

losing you is like walking the streets in boots without laces
 head down. i am a
system of a down.

Storm clouds gather and bless my sorry hot head
with cool cool rain. toxic locket
in my hand. i
broke off from my neck.

My feet sink into earth turned to mud and bury me
where I walk. they got me outlined
in chalk.

Losing you is a crying
frame around my every. waking. moment.
blurred absurdity of timeless
melting reflections of

me
what with
you. by my side. like a vegetable. lima beans.
without you
im deficient. lacking. snacking on Cheetos.
doritos. taco bell hell.

smoldering processes of perseverated
thought. forgot all i was
taught. sold everything i ever
bought.

my purpose has gone under
submerged by your wonder
full drowned metal jacket
iron lung. out to dry.
giraffe neck stalks
hung
over rail ties
steely eyes. buzzards. flies

without you by my side
i keel over, Korean. the kids
all falling out
of me.

the youth in my step
got folded. lost my rep

forgetfulness comes on for self-defense
photos put away in shoeboxes in basements.
I approach the world with shock
with disdain

Memories of you 
leap like jack
 rabbits beside the
path

I feel like Sylvia Plath
bell jar banality
calloused heart played out
on a Spanish
guitar

te amo
who am I?
te amo
without you...
i die

Living rooms become lifeless
the empty tie-dying of memories
run clear through my
conscience

i am nonsense
all the colors of my world bleed out around the edges.
the silver
all tarnished
the tea kettle screams
the whippoorwill
night jar
black tar
heroine

she comes like a fury
then leaves you
again

I hold my head.
wishful
prayers at the bottom of the stairs
soaked in pine knot
pellagra.

Trapped in a faulty defect toy
anhedonic
without joy

disintrigue. shit. it makes up
its own
words

a rubix cube recall
cannot solve this pain
               resolve this mainline of loss

fuck it. i guess ill go
shopping