Tuesday, 5 January 2010

not taste, sound, sight, or smell...and hopefully its touching

The continuum of this life was remarkable when the tape was cut out to rep this moment in time. If we dive into this into the marrow of this life we can see out from it as a hologram, expansive for us to take in the whole life in a moment. Of course this must be impossible! And how American in its very impossibility. So here it is, and understand that the vision comes gray not black and white. You are the one allowed full freedom to choose how you interpret it. Just be aware that your feeling is yours and yours alone. Unique. Possessed. Owned. Created. Produced. Directed. Edited. Faded...still untouched, still virgin. wild but far from pure. not dirty but spontaneous and so impulsive and reactive. a chemical experiment highly volatile and quite a rush! deep searching of eyes. attune to energy. letting go, to embrace. dawn and lace. up all night touching base.

Falling asleep at seven am after a night of making love. All night making love. Really rising, their spirits. but falling was manifest too. like a breathe. Falling in love. Scary at times cause you lose control. And the relationship is powerful and you feel it so many ways. the light, wow, so many rays. Rising and rising. find the ground again before taking off again.

Making love was a side effect on the DL. no one complained. the doctors were clueless. remarked upon coloring and affect brightness in their notes. Real feelings. so overwhelming, but powerful if you let them flow through you, all this exchange of energy and words between sharing of silence. Boundaries were set and pushed around, then placed carefully where both could see them. So much effort to get across the distance between bodies. So much ease holding one another. Hoping to listen but so easily distracted by music and rhythm of twenty ten America. Urban recipe. Too many choices all the fucking time. Long ago walked off the straight line they chalked out for you to walk out and into space. No. you chose to get lost, and the fog is your companion. Hydrates you at times, hides you from yourself in painful times. You share the general story, outside the specifics. You share the valuing the story over the specifics. Red flags fall to ground. Green flags rise up. Caution is not thrown to the wind. Caution is carried like essential water.

Strange shit went down in this self-defining mad moment! Waking up at noon in your bed in your room and lost global memory subsequently affiliated with sex. This is what is referred to in medical circles as 'transient global amnesia'. Caused by high blood pressure which often results from sex. medical circle sanctioned. which may or may not lend it credibility. which may or may not matter. which therefore will probably be worked over a great deal to pass the free unstructured time that we all consciously pursue & subconsciously dread.

This was the first time you ever remembered having amnesia. Very scary. (would you remember your amnesia?) You could not remember where you worked, who you lived with, what you were supposed to do on this unknown day of the week...this left you so vulnerable feeling you failed to speak just tried to catch your breath. was it running away? within five minutes orientation x4 had come to roost. place, time, thing, situation all became known or remembered. breathe easy. He had gone from attunement to separate selves so to come in and help you from the outside. He accomplished this with compassion unlimited.

Wonderful gentle and comforting words and touch from the one whose looking after you, someone you love and who loves you. more and more this seems through and through. there is a greater force at work behind it, you both know. still the choice is often easy to be so close and put aside reservations and the many important if not critical matters of life that cannot possibly reach the island of full devoted attention that love in its infancy both represents and requires. The energies aligned and the touch was divine. nothing was really fine. most of it was extremity and creation... being intimate, letting go, contracting, expanding, exploding, suntanning in the sacred space filled with light and waves. They are non finite like this, so they carry you away now...(continuation is inevitable)