Saturday, 10 October 2009

a bipolar chime, wont cost u a dime. but might turn on one.

i do want to cry
wanna cry
so heavy
like rainshower rivers
breakthefuckout
all levee

levelin the lands
untapped
unleashed
ressurection
of chi

energy
abandon
sandbag city
rises up
to organize
swept away
by hail of tears
redux to
random
for many &
untold
years

yes i wanna cry
this evening
so hard
damn
(i cannot)

this morning
u see
i wanted 2 get high
so high
like a kid
immortal thought
'check out'
from the life
i bought
my painful
reality

no matter
whats the matter?
child!
got yourself scattered?
disentangled
so u could b free
paradox hits
feel strangled
disenfranchised
feeling
drawing blank
blank
like the ceiling


but its comin back
from there
high up and alone
can amplify
the monotone
monotonous flats
against
mountainous
regions
the contrast
strikes bold
burgeons

so much harder
can i take it?
fuckdamnhell!
curse & forsake it
my dual nature
risen high
only to find
substrata

subtract
what i efforted
to gain
exact
my
subhuman
brain
to point of further
freedom

'free association'
dropped in the mix
for solution
thoughts compressed
to reconstistute
this dilution...

dissed
regular
static
daily
statistic
barely

unrealistic
sic
ness
less
diminish....
then
refreshed
again

dubbed over
fetched
beating heart
touched
false beat
arrested
false start
tested

off the chart
locus mystery...
'theres lies the heart
the core of history!'

bipolar
bisexual
intellectual
progression
composed
by affirmational
suggestion

undermining
the actual
cultural turtle...
swimming
society
seas

unearthed
the personal
and then
overrated it
sent it by snail mail
simply put
'related it'

the
storytelling
moment
the
life giving
rituals
the new paradigm
thinking
the stripping off
of most your clothes

sound sexy?
enticing?
pole dancing
cat fighting?

ooh lala!
dont miss out on it!
why buy up
the counterfeit?

[fake money, television,
well,
it aint worth shit!
you know it
so do i
stop acting, just quit

they invade from within!
recalibrate your mentality
change your vision
to some materialist
(dare i say corporate?)
nonreality

the sinners who act like
they dont even sin?
the winners
who forgot
we arent here to win?
the fear lovers
who have the daily
new thing to fear
they twist truth up tightly
and need u to hear

preach of dangerous levels
of diversity
among us
the scary foreign element
might come up behind us
and...
well...
enlighten us?

some followed blindly
some maybe hated
all the rest...
sleepy elated

what of soul?
anymore
surpassed our
bidentity?

arrested
sublimated
undermined
grandiosity?

past and future
is some comfort
as time passes by
craving warmth
of divine
in the sky

Get over it, get better
for me it was the goddess
she came on a letter
i had simply to receive
let go and surrender

post was like parchment
old world kinda style
i liked it alot
it really made me smile
she came from ---

odessa
(odyssey)
or
russia
she came to enlighten
she came to
caressa

in dreams
i had seen her
her in myself
past life
conscious lacking
forgetting
refracting
hard to cognize
hard to digest

out the door (i would go)
on the run again
ritual madness!
led to up to no good
concluded with...
staircase (walked) sadness

stare
in mirror
case
yourself
criticize
analyze
terminalize
yourself
with a torturing mind

free associated
madness
everyday
from catharsis
plaque build up
to numb
easy
gladness

I kept on the journey
this was what saved me

train ridden
heart beat
thrown in mix
freely given
number seven
dedicated
committed
make a soul collage
of my self sabotage

personal expressions
occasional regressions
mandala daydreams
lalalala

into the night
never gon fight
presentation:
'out of sight'
best i can do
thrill you
feel me?
i strike true
strike to the heart
honestly?
most wisdom is found
right there
on the B.A.R.T.

let it slide right
over the limit
turnin them off
no point of contact
they turn away
they give up
resign her
shes faded gray

call it how u wanna!
how u gonna call it?
spirited - B
any age can you -C

abandoned building?
abandoned missions?
abandoned self?

its just all needing
FILL

but i cant
i cannot! get out of this so easy
pretending im some bodhissatva
its cheesy.
i know nothing more than anybody
and less than you know.
my unknowing pattern
has selected to grow.
i have to be truthful
so thats where i go...

i am insecure
i am without sleep
i am vulnerable
i am blocked

the tears!
they melt control
they trigger discomfort
they dont care
if they fall on tissues

the tears!
MIA!
fuck!
no way!

i hate these times
days maybe weeks
without tears
its no different from
a goddamn drought

all the feelings
dry up and die
without release
i am unfeeling
a salt bed

its very sad
a sign of internal times
a GPS report
i make on myself
coming up red

was it the antibiotics?
throwing off the salt?
can the blame be placed?
something else at fault?

the balance has shifted
one extreme to the other
went from crying all the time
which was not pleasant
either

its so sad! no tears!
i want to cry!

damn its coming
the wells are at standby
rivers ready
for running
the cunning is leaving
trickling away
the intellectual game
that my mindmeld will play
and there underneath
the bedrock of insanity
lies a flower needing water
choking on profanity

i see the little flower
and compassion builds in me
filling my insides
its heavy!
its chilling!
my internal weather pattern
holds a forecast
of
'willing'.